Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
