Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
