I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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