omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
