mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
