Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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