Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
