Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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