i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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