Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
