I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
