Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think people are normalizing furries
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
