btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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