wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There are leaves in my underwear?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
