If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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