I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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