Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
