OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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