we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
