On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
