Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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