shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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