I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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