He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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