Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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