I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
