Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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