after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
