I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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