I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
