btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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