I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't make out with my wife yet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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