You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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