i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
