You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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