i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have already put on my inside pants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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