We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
