I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
