I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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