If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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