she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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