I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
