he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
