I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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