I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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