btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
