i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
