Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
