So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
