I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
