i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
