Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
