I just threw up on my dentist
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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