My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
