You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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